


The Limits of Love

by MoominQuartz (IceCreAMS)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Bonding, Steven Universe: The Movie Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 21:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceCreAMS/pseuds/MoominQuartz
Summary: Steven's been carrying something heavy, so Amethyst tries to cheer him up. But when Steven finally opens up to her, to say she's surprised would be an understatement.Or, in which even Steven can't love everyone.





	The Limits of Love

It was _ weird _for Steven to be like this.

Not to say that Steven hadn’t moped before, but that mostly happened when he wasn’t able to heal a corrupted gem, or when something his mom did came back to bite him in the ass. And then there was that time he’d moped about Connie not talking to him. But still, Amethyst could count the number of times he’d done that on one hand in her entire… wow, sixteen years of knowing him. Steven was the kind of guy who was so sincerely optimistic, he wasn’t annoying.

She loved that above him. So she was going to do what he’d done for her, not that long ago, and put the pep back in his step.

(Not _ exactly _what he’d done for her — she wasn’t keen on reenacting all the stages of his life with him, and he had all his powers back anyway. But maybe it was time for him to take a break.)

“Hey, Steven!” Amethyst announced, barreling into his bedroom without so much as a knock. “Guess whaaaat!”

Steven sat upright from where he’d been lying on the bed. His eyes were swollen.

“We’re gonna go on an adventure!” She came right to his side and slapped his shoulder. “Just you and me, dude! Worst gems squad!”

Steven laughed. He sounded _ painfully _ tired. “No, Amethyst — you _ know _I can’t. I’m s’posed to meet with the Diamonds early tomorrow, and I think Spinel’s gonna be there too, so I can’t just…”

_ “Booo-ring!” _ Amethyst pulled him up by the lapels of his jacket. He let out the quietest little yelp, and it might’ve been cute if he didn’t look like the walking dead. “C’mon! You’ve already solved the intergalactic problem, and when you ain’t doin’ diplomacy, you’re workin’ on cleaning up Spinel’s mess! You can miss _ one _meeting.”

Steven hesitated.

“Besides.” She hated pulling this card because she hated sounding like a baby, but sometimes it was necessary to tug on the boy’s heart strings. “It’s been a while since it was just you and me, little man.”

And there he caved, wincing as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I… I guess you’re right. But — we should let someone know we’re leaving. I’ll tell Garnet!”

Amethyst rolled her eyes as she watched Steven make his way down the stairs. When she came down herself, she noticed Pearl give her a nod.

They were all a bit worried — Amethyst included — but Steven always bounced back. Amethyst just had to give him a distraction.

* * *

Even weirder than Steven being mopey and sad was that from the moment they stepped off the warp pad, he seemed _ better. _

Not like ‘oh, Steven can tell she’s worried so he’s trying to hide it and he sucks at that because his heart is on his sleeve no matter what;’ not _ that _kind of better. Legitimately better. 

Maybe it was the fresh air, Amethyst wondered. They’d just played a ferocious game of tag while racing towards their usual train; yes, Amethyst used her whip, but even though Pearl said that was ‘cheating,’ Steven was perfectly capable of using his bubble or his shield to deflect her. And he laughed when she did, so who cared about the rules?

Now sitting on the train and picking strands of grass out of his jeans, Steven sighed, a perfectly content smile on his face.

“This is _ so _nice,” he muttered, kicking his legs out over the tracks. “Gosh, I wish we could just stay out here forever.”

She laughed. “Hah! Yeah, that’d be amazing.”

“Do you remember back when I was little—”

“You’re _ still _little, dude.”

“I’m bigger than _ you_.”

“Damn, rude.”

“But I mean, like… back when I hardly had any kind of control over my powers, that kind of little. Remember when we ran away, just the two of us? We were pretending to be the No Home Boys.”

“Ohhh, yeah!” Amethyst snorted as she looked back into the car. “Dude, didn’t your raccoon eat all your food?”

Steven giggled. “Heh, yeah. Wonder what that raccoon’s up to these days.”

“Do raccoons live that long?”

“Huh? Uh… I dunno. They gotta live as long as cats, right?”

“And then we went to the Kindergarten and I got to tell you all about my sob story.”

He looked at Amethyst, brow furrowing. “Hey now. I hope you’re being nice to yourself, up in that big head of yours.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Why do you bring all that up, anyway?”

“No reason.” Said far too quickly. He paused. She turned to look at him, but his eyes were on the countryside. “It’s just a shame we can’t do that again.”

… _ Oh. _

“Dude.” Amethyst grabbed his shoulder, yanking his attention back to her. “We _ totally _could. Right now, even, if you want.”

“I—” Steven laughed. “What? No, we couldn’t! Even if I wanted to, we didn’t bring any food, and… we didn’t pick up a raccoon on our way here—”

“We’ll scavenge off the land!” She jumped to her feet, pumping her fists in the air. “Besides, you haven’t had a chance to try your magic healing spit on the Kindergarten, and I kinda wanna see if it’ll work!”

She did kinda wanna see that, it was true. But more than that, she wanted to see him keep laughing.

“But…” Ugh, he _ still _had a but? “I should probably be back to get some rest before that meeting—”

“So _ that’s _what this is all about, huh?”

_ “What?” _Now he was looking at her, eyes wide. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing!” Nothing, nothing, she wasn’t going to be the one to ruin this. She was going to let him have a blast until he had to be all ‘savior of the universe’ or whatever. “We could always just, like, use the warp pad that’s right there in the Kindergarten.”

“I guess…”

“Then it’s settled.” Amethyst ruffled his hair. “Stick with me, kid.”

He laughed and sounded maybe a little less depressed. 

* * *

The Kindergarten was exactly the way it had been for thousands of years, ever since Amethyst first popped out of her little hole. It was comforting, in a weird way; like no matter what happened in the world or in space, there was one thing that would always be steady, always be a constant.

But hey, if it meant cheering up her best friend in the universe, it was worth breathing some life into this place. And she’d made her peace with leaving it behind ages ago.

“So, uh…” Steven scratched at his head as they entered. “I guess I should just get started, huh?”

“No rush, dude. We got all night till your ambassadorial _ pffftpt_.” The fart sound at the end was _ hilarious_, and she was more than a little offended he didn’t laugh at it. 

He knelt on the hard earth of the Kindergarten. This part was softer than the rest of the area; a few years ago, the two of them had convinced Peridot to till it. Funny, that it seemed like it was still affected by that.

“...I just can’t do it.”

Amethyst blinked, confused. “Huh?”

Steven gave a heavy sigh with all of his body, then flopped onto the ground. “I just can’t do this forever, you know?”

“Wait, back up a step or two.” Amethyst plopped down next to him, following his gaze to the darkening sky above. “Do _ what _forever?”

“I…”

When he didn’t continue, she looked back to his face. Tears were gathering in his eyes. “This stays between us, right?”

“Uh, _ yeah, _dude. I ain’t a blabbermouth.”

He chuckled, but it sounded weak. “I just… I can’t keep pretending forever. With the Diamonds and Spinel, I mean.”

“Pretending _ what?” _

“That we’re, like — that we’re a happy _ family!” _His fist slammed into the earth. “Amethyst, I know it probably makes me sound like… like a spoiled brat, or — like I’m not as caring or empathetic as Mom like expects me to be, but — I know that my relationship with them is probably what’s keeping them from continuing to conquer and raze the universe, but I don’t think I can forgive them!”

Amethyst wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, so maybe Steven was operating on some other rationalization than she was, but. “So?”

“What do you _ mean, ‘so?’” _ Steven snapped, glaring at the sky as if it was its fault that he was mad. _ “So! _ The Diamonds have been dictators for thousands of years! And they act like… like the fact that they do what I ask them to is enough to make up for all the hurt they’ve done! They’ve only been working to fix things for two years! That’s _ nothing _ in Diamond time! And they wanna act like — like I’m their brother, since Pink was like their sister, but they’ve been trying to kill me for _ years! _And they’ve hurt so many people, and I’m supposed to just… just push it all under the rug for the sake of intergalactic peace!”

“Dude—”

“And _ Spinel, _ gosh!” Steven threw his arm over his eyes and groaned. “I feel _ terrible, _ knowing what Mom did to her! But she tried to kill me, and then she wiped everyone’s memories, and tons of people were hurt because of her, but _ I’m _ supposed to be friends with her? Just because _ Mom _ hurt her? I hope she finds someone to be best friends with, but if _ I _ don’t wanna be that, does that make _ me _as bad as—”

_ “No!” _

Amethyst’s heart lurched and she shot up as she watched him stop, as she watched him just _ breathe. _His chest heave, raise up and down. He sniffed and tears slipped down his cheeks, hitting the ground.

“Listen. Listen, dude, are you listening?” Steven nodded without looking at her. Geez, how long had he been kicking himself over _ disliking _someone? “Okay, so, first of all: don’t talk like your mom was some sort of horrible person. She wasn’t perfect, but — what’s that thing Greg says about pork chops?”

Steven slowly pushed himself upright. “But even if you’re right, she left Spinel all alone for six thousand years.”

“Yeah, like, she made a _ mistake, _ dude. I don’t think she was expecting Spinel to _ literally _ sit there for thousands of years, and it isn’t her fault that Spinel _ did. _ Even if she shouldn’t have done it in the first place, or even if she should’ve gone back for her at some point. You know? But anyway! Steven! You’re allowed to set _ boundaries.” _

He blinked.

“B-but… I’m supposed to be the guy who cares about _ everyone—” _

“You don’t _ have _ to be!” Amethyst waved a hand into the great unknown. “You’ve got a big heart — bigger than Rose did, even. Rose wouldn’t have wanted you to love people if that would _ hurt _you, dude.”

And then, for good measure: _ “Everyone _ dislikes _ someone. _ And the fact you’ve got it narrowed down to four people, out of the _ dozens —_ no, _ hundreds _of people you know and help on a daily basis… you’ve got no idea just how amazing that is.”

“It’s not _ amazing _to dislike people,” Steven grumbled, rubbing at his cheeks. He was going to act like he hadn’t just been crying. 

She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in. He didn’t even pretend to protest, just rested his head against her and breathed. “I dunno if you realize this,” she said after a moment of peace, “but that’s an impossible standard, dude.”

Steven didn’t say anything at first. She could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest pressed against hers, could feel the weight of his worries.

“You’re not a bad person for wanting to pick your own friends.” She squeezed him, rubbed his shoulder. “Trust me. _ I’m _not a bad person for not hangin’ out with Lapis or Bismuth on my off-hours, right?”

“Huh?” He lifted his head at that. “What? No, of course not!”

Amethyst pressed her pointer finger into his chest. “So neither are _ you _ for not wanting to hang out with people you’re politically obligated to!”

He gave a heaving sigh, and _ finally, _she saw a smile slip back onto that dumb face of his. “Yeah. No, yeah, you’re right. I’m still figuring out that I gotta treat myself like I treat you.”

She snickered. “Yeah, but like, don’t let yourself eat motor oil.”

He giggled.

_ Steven giggled! _

“Yeah.” He sat upright and pushed himself up to his feet, then turned and offered her his hand.

She rolled her eyes, but took it anyway. “So you ready to head back?”

He nodded, pulling her up. “Yeah. Thanks for… this.” He turned a little pink, kicking the ground. “I should’ve just talked it out, anyway, but…”

He trailed off, but that was fine; Amethyst knew him well enough to know what would fill that gap.

“It’s cool, bruh.” She ran her fingers through his hair. That was getting harder and harder every time; his hair was getting so _ thick _now. Heh. He really was growing up, huh?

She clapped her hands together. “Tomorrow, after your dumb meeting, let’s have an eating contest at Fish Stew Pizza!”

Steven grinned and met her gaze. “Oh, you’re _ on.” _

And it didn’t even matter that he was physically incapable of beating her. Tomorrow was gonna kick ass, and she wasn’t gonna let the _ Diamonds _mess it up. Steven deserved that, if nothing else.

Neither of them noticed the patch of grass — weak, short, and brown, but _ grass —_ that they left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Ehh, does this count as PTSD? Not sure, but like. If my estranged aunts were fascist, genocidal dictators who only agreed to let their colonies go because I talked them into it, and all my friends had trauma directly caused by their policies, I figure I'd not really wanna be buddy-buddy with them.
> 
> Also, Amethyst's comment isn't meant to excuse Rose in any way for what she did to Spinel, but I can't help but think that... maybe she didn't really expect Spinel to just literally stay put in the exact same spot for thousands of years. Maybe she'd feel horrified if she knew that Spinel was still there, waiting for her, having never moved on. We'll never know, but I can't help but think that maybe she's not as evil as fandom likes to make her out to be.


End file.
